Something will go here one day soon...Gaiety, merriment and dancing, etc.

Old Gits Diary

I'll be telling you more about the Old Gits themselves later but first of all I'll explain the existence of the Old Gits’ Diary, (The Anals of History). Those of us who attended the Roebuck public house on a Wednesday afternoon put the world to rights and discussed many interesting topics. We then got home to our wives, loved ones and pets and they asked us what we talked about.

Unfortunately none of us could actually remember. And that's the reason why at the beginning of 2009 I decided to start keeping a diary.  There were regular topics which we ensured were discussed at every meeting. These include, the Abercorn Arms, Roger, Richard’s friend Vern, the price of beer, cameras, dogs and Linda the Barmaid.

Writers such as Dan Brown with his best selling book the Da Vinci Code have made secret and mystical societies very interesting in recent years. Here in Teddington we had our very own unsecret and unmystical society, the Old Gits.  Quite why we were called the Old Gits has never quite been discovered.  We were certainly not old! Legend has it that Gits possibly stands for something, such as Gentlemen In Their Sobriety, or Grumpy In The Saloon. Who knows? Who cares?  According to legend some of the members, even have names which actually stand for something.

Regular attendee Richard Payne told me that “Richard” actually stands for Retired In Comfort Has A Regular Drink. Another member, Dick, his name apparently stands for Drinks In Clare's Kitchen, Clare being his daughter. Our host today Alan, his name actually stands for his afternoon enjoyment “A Lager And Nap”.  Finally, excerpts from The Diary…  Click any image to expand.

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30th December 2008 The last Gits of 2008 was ill-attended. Dick was said to have left at 1610. Mike and Roger arrived. Alan was in Crouch End, and Richard was confused.

7th January 2009 Mortlake Brewery  - school Nativity  - golfers going deaf -  Dick’s spaghetti bolognese  - eye laser surgery  - cricket  - Concorde -  Tubular Bells -  Abercorn opening hours -  sofa humping??  - lightbulbs.

14th January 2009 moths  - spell checkers -  children in pubs and dogs -  Dick’s extension  - third runway -  Mutley the Yorkie -  restaurants, try a new one -  old-fashioned coppers -  weird people  - cases of wine  - Delia Smith  - Richard will cook.

21st January 2009 Mason's has closed -  Roger's step-dad's fiddle -  face of Mohammed' in a Twiglet -  cameras -  batteries -  beard admiration  - in-flight drinking -  aches and pains of getting old -  Wendy Padbury -  Mousey Mousey and Hungry Hippo  - pretentious job titles.

28th January, 2009 Twickenham trolley bus  - Richard's new scanner  - Queen Isabella -  Richard's well -  Concorde  - cost of TVs  - Wilkinson's  - central heating  - Pea-Souper -  cameras -  solicitors' bills -  car mechanics -  Roger's Irish Connery.

4th February 2009 Snow -  cameras -  TVs -  Roger's agent retiring  - lager is a girlie drink  - Japanese burglar alarms  - Isle of Wight souvenir souvenir! -  Stan says Derby is more southern than London  - Monkey hangers -  Spike Milligan.

11th February, 2009 No conversation, alleged stripper.

18th February, 2009 lightbulbs -  my camera video -  sound of music  - South West Trains redundancies  - job satisfaction -  13 year old father  - rabbit mixing my toasties  - open gardens and houses  - catching catfish -  Morton Fraser Harmonica Gang.

25th February 2009 Twickenham “Naked ladies” -  my redundancy offer -  paying off mortgages early  - nationalising banks and privatising Post Offices -  John Fisher anecdotes  - speeding and motorways -  cut-price newspaper vouchers  - getting the punchline wrong  - bigotry.

11th March, 2009 My redundancy yet again -  Roger's fiddle sold for 1,440! -  crime -  Julie's training -  smellchecker for Stan's website -  taming children -  What Old Gits talk about  - Archer's update  - value of “Tom Archer Sausages” -  how quickly people can die  - dulcimer, autoharp and Carter Family -  Royal anti-diluvian order of buffaloes  - Roger said "I'll shut up"  - abattoirs of the 1950s -  medical treatment of the 1950s.

18th March, 2009 Stan's sunburn-proof shirt  -   Portuguese golf courses -  where is Richard? -  art galleries -  art -  stop talking about monorails, you've got a one-track mind -  Frizl the rapist  - Martin and Richard’s quiz at the Abercorn  - Mel's David and the bullet -  and the teabag in the kettle  - Roger talks Irish and Scottish -  getting harmless things through customs -  Roger and Alan doing Mel Solomon doing Richard III  - chroma key or colour separation overlay  - Peter Kay.

25th March, 2009 Bombay Duck -  Roger's mum's ashes -  Richard in Portugal -  Google Street View  - wrist watches  - adopting the crash position  - Roger Walker impersonations -  half price supermarket food.

1st April, 2009 side effects of the Metronadizole  - parking at Richer Sounds -  rat bedding  - does Martin look like Bill Kenright? -  Roger doesn't exist -  bank accounts -  have you got a hub cap for a Skoda?  - Eldorado revival -  old guitars and violins, Stradi-various fiddle puns -  Bushy Park developments -  buying a boat -  Roger's new neighbours -  Daily car hire.

8th April, 2009 Richard's DIY  - gamma G T  - helicopter crashes -  Rebel yells -  San Francisco  - attendance badges  - Martin's YouTube videos  - installing central heating -  Google Street View -  giving blood  - 60 for 15 prawns in Sandy's -  fish with fancy names  - selling sheep in Japan as poodles  - Slumdog.

15th April, 2000 Richard's DIY -  burglar alarms -  Borzoi dogs -  Westonbirt Aboretum -  TV comedians -  people you don't want see in your local -  shall we film Gits live?  - Jeffrey Archer versus Ricky Tomlinson  - Stan and Richard argue about the cost of newspapers -  Roger's water meter -  Roger says “I am not a happy bunny” -  shall we video Christmas Gits -  PC protection.

29th April, 2009 Spider Martin had already left before I arrived -  it was very quiet for 30 seconds until Richard came in  - strange bed-and-breakfast stories  - my eyebrows  - holidays -  walking -  Troodos mountains -  Is Jo a better barmaid than Linda?  - first 3 pint -  bringing artifacts for the Roebuck  - Radio Solent -  Barcelona pickpockets -  Gaudi architecture   - Singing Nun.

13th May, 2009 Dick’s birthday on Friday -  almost too quiet then a car exploded outside  -  geese -  Bushey and Richmond parks -  astronomical telescopes -  property in Whitton  - Roger paused for breath  - Roger's moving plans -  flat-screen TVs   - Martin pointed out that Richard was missing -  why only once in four weeks?  - Dick was wearing a scarf, Martin called him a scarf ace.

20th May 2009 Gorse  - Old Git mints  - proliferation of road kill lately  - ginger beer  - the Pope's Grotto  - Astrotel -  sat navs  - a long gap with nothing worth mentioning -  why do bar staff give bigger pints to lager boys? The sun shining through the bevelled glass in the door at 1853  -  was it my Arsene Wenger impersonation  - No 1, Artillery Row  - cheap air flights  - can we still buy Izal toilet paper?

27th May 2009: Co-ax connectors on aerials -  mismatched battery capacities -  concealing a dead body -  hoax e-mails  - Spam phone-calls -  over-eeding goldfish  - open gardens day -  Bushy Park  - deer -  Welsh Bruce -  the A 3 -  grammar checkers  - cost of weddings.

10th June, 2009 Buying new golf clubs  - randomness of failing lightbulbs -  buying microwave ovens  - bed-and-breakfasts -  sofabed joke  - Euro elections -  Vincent Cable  - Hounslow shops -  dodgy foreign builders  - Capital Ring -  London Squares  - Alcatraz

17th June, 2009 my job interview -  Stan at Twickenham Festival -  misleading country walks  - Plusnet  - constipation -  circumcision  - “guys”   -   OAPs  asking for a refund -  basic computer confusion and very soft boiled eggs -  Kismet  - low-flying planes  - Spencer Davis's drummer  - Mel leaving the Abercorn -  first mention of punnet -  possibly a small pun -  Richard returns a set of left -  handed golf clubs.

24th June, 2000 Alan's head-dents  - Cannes -  Thailand  - passports  - curry club -  Wareham Forest -  Cotswolds -  David's diet  - the price of coffee  - sub woofers  -  rose of Sharon _A_O_S   _E__D (crossword clue)  - Hinge and Brackett -  monkey hanging  - Dracula and Frankenstein.

19th August, 2009 Googling for boobies and tits  - Google your postcode -  last night on Crimewatch -  Richard's new office chair  - Roger drops his trousers on 17th November on Holby City  - cost of weddings -  blot on a landscape golf courses  - John Nettles once spilt tooth powder in Roger's house -  Roger in the last episode of Doc Marten -  Roger's prosthetic arm story -  lots of tedious comparing of ring tones -  Richard said to Rosie "Did we miss your entrance?" -  suet pudding  - Main and desserts  - Kingston goat curry

9th September 2009 political correctness gone mad  - Spotted Richard  - Angela's 60th birthday -  old N P L people  - are there any black Morris dancers?  - circumcision -  contents of Richard's late neighbour’s freezer -  how to choose a good tin of chopped tomatoes -  Stan and I think Richard and Martin are really sad Old Gits.

16th September, 2009 Freemasonry -  pregnant pauses   - moving the Isle of Wight -  steel in Samurai swords  - guns on the Mary Rose  - the elephant in the room -  Agatha Christie actresses -  the 39 Steps  - lightbulbs -  N P L building mains  - Paines Hill Park.

23rd September, 2009 getting car- lights fixed -  old versions of software  - retuning a Digibox  - speeding and fines -  gall bladder pain -  calculus origins  - getting stuff out of the skips  - putting stuff in skips -  Croydon airport -  faded elegance.

30th September, 2009 Autistic dogs -  curry club  - Zyklon B -  Flint McCulloch in Wagon Train  - "The good old days"  - the fox has left his lair  - the Inkspots -  urban myths -  local Greek restaurants  - language problems  - St Martin's Day.

14th October 2009 Poor attendance  - Alan filming -  single malts  - Richard painting the steppes  - curry club is December 6th -  Dick’s new non-English-speaking Brazilian cleaner  - the Gits Diary Christmas Show  - worst absence excuse -  leaves for the 5th year -  Gits lifetime achievement award -  most discussed ailment  - flounce of the year  - most tolerant git partner  - Luvvie of the Year after five unsuccessful nominations -  Stan's sprinkler-eating dog.

28th October 2009 The poor quality of my YouTube videos  - Kempton nature reserve -  holiday in Southwold.

11th November 2009 St Martin's Day -  a pregnant shark gave birth after being bitten  - A Town Like Alice  - Roger on Doc Marten  - what dogs can watch on TV  - revolving restaurants  - Billy Butlin -  consumer surveys.

25th November 2009 Buying M&S charity ties -  Christmas -  bowel cancer  - 84-year-old lady in leather trousers -  Ethel Merman  - the Blues Brothers -  is it really 18 years since Freddie Mercury died?  - Feltham is still a dump  - getting your heating allowance -  Alzheimer's  - Frank Skinner  - Tommy Steele's house -  touching an electric fence.

This page is dedicated to the memory of Richard Payne and John Fisher.  Happy daze.



I started this web site in about 1998.  As of Autumn 2016 it is getting its biggest ever refurbishment. 

My goals are to include more current information, more pictures, no dead links, consistent format and typeface, better readability on more screens, and to get rid of characters that display badly.  But no free beer.

It is a bit untidy and experimental ...but just wait...

Text first, then pictures to be replaced.