NEW!! August 2012 - The OLD GITS’ DIARY - THE TRANSCRIPTS
30th December 2008 The last Gits of 2008 was ill-attended. Dick was said to have left at 1610. Mike and Roger arrived. Alan was in Crouch End, and Richard was confused.
7th January 2009 Mortlake Brewery - school Nativity - golfers going deaf - Dick’s spaghetti bolognese - eye laser surgery - cricket - Concorde - Tubular Bells - Abercorn opening hours - sofa humping?? - lightbulbs.
14th January 2009 moths - spell checkers - children in pubs and dogs - Dick’s extension - third runway - Mutley the Yorkie - restaurants, try a new one - old-fashioned coppers - weird people - cases of wine - Delia Smith - Richard will cook.
21st January 2009 Mason's has closed - Roger's step-dad's fiddle - face of Mohammed' in a Twiglet - cameras - batteries - beard admiration - in-flight drinking - aches and pains of getting old - Wendy Padbury - Mousey Mousey and Hungry Hippo - pretentious job titles.
28th January, 2009 Twickenham trolley bus - Richard's new scanner - Queen Isabella - Richard's well - Concorde - cost of TVs - Wilkinson's - central heating - Pea-Souper - cameras - solicitors' bills - car mechanics - Roger's Irish Connery.
4th February 2009 Snow - cameras - TVs - Roger's agent retiring - lager is a girlie drink - Japanese burglar alarms - Isle of Wight souvenir souvenir! - Stan says Derby is more southern than London - Monkey hangers - Spike Milligan.
11th February, 2009 No conversation, alleged stripper.
18th February, 2009 lightbulbs - my camera video - sound of music - South West Trains redundancies - job satisfaction - 13 year old father - rabbit mixing my toasties - open gardens and houses - catching catfish - Morton Fraser Harmonica Gang.
25th February 2009 Twickenham “Naked ladies” - my redundancy offer - paying off mortgages early - nationalising banks and privatising Post Offices - John Fisher anecdotes - speeding and motorways - cut-price newspaper vouchers - getting the punchline wrong - bigotry.
11th March, 2009 My redundancy yet again - Roger's fiddle sold for £1,440! - crime - Julie's training - smellchecker for Stan's website - taming children - What Old Gits talk about - Archer's update - value of “Tom Archer Sausages” - how quickly people can die - dulcimer, autoharp and Carter Family - Royal anti-diluvian order of buffaloes - Roger said "I'll shut up" - abattoirs of the 1950s - medical treatment of the 1950s.
18th March, 2009 Stan's sunburn-proof shirt - Portuguese golf courses - where is Richard? - art galleries - art - stop talking about monorails, you've got a one-track mind - Frizl the rapist - Martin and Richard’s quiz at the Abercorn - Mel's David and the bullet - and the teabag in the kettle - Roger talks Irish and Scottish - getting harmless things through customs - Roger and Alan doing Mel Solomon doing Richard III - chroma key or colour separation overlay - Peter Kay.
25th March, 2009 Bombay Duck - Roger's mum's ashes - Richard in Portugal - Google Street View - wrist watches - adopting the crash position - Roger Walker impersonations - half price supermarket food.
1st April, 2009 side effects of the Metronadizole - parking at Richer Sounds - rat bedding - does Martin look like Bill Kenright? - Roger doesn't exist - bank accounts - have you got a hub cap for a Skoda? - Eldorado revival - old guitars and violins, Stradi-various fiddle puns - Bushy Park developments - buying a boat - Roger's new neighbours - Daily car hire.
8th April, 2009 Richard's DIY - gamma G T - helicopter crashes - Rebel yells - San Francisco - attendance badges - Martin's YouTube videos - installing central heating - Google Street View - giving blood - £60 for 15 prawns in Sandy's - fish with fancy names - selling sheep in Japan as poodles - Slumdog.
15th April, 2000 Richard's DIY - burglar alarms - Borzoi dogs - Westonbirt Aboretum - TV comedians - people you don't want see in your local - shall we film Gits live? - Jeffrey Archer versus Ricky Tomlinson - Stan and Richard argue about the cost of newspapers - Roger's water meter - Roger says “I am not a happy bunny” - shall we video Christmas Gits - PC protection.
29th April, 2009 Spider Martin had already left before I arrived - it was very quiet for 30 seconds until Richard came in - strange bed-and-breakfast stories - my eyebrows - holidays - walking - Troodos mountains - Is Jo a better barmaid than Linda? - first £3 pint - bringing artifacts for the Roebuck - Radio Solent - Barcelona pickpockets - Gaudi architecture - Singing Nun.
13th May, 2009 Dick’s birthday on Friday - almost too quiet then a car exploded outside - geese - Bushey and Richmond parks - astronomical telescopes - property in Whitton - Roger paused for breath - Roger's moving plans - flat-screen TVs - Martin pointed out that Richard was missing - why only once in four weeks? - Dick was wearing a scarf, Martin called him a scarf ace.
20th May 2009 Gorse - Old Git mints - proliferation of road kill lately - ginger beer - the Pope's Grotto - Astrotel - sat navs - a long gap with nothing worth mentioning - why do bar staff give bigger pints to lager boys? The sun shining through the bevelled glass in the door at 1853 - was it my Arsene Wenger impersonation - No 1, Artillery Row - cheap air flights - can we still buy Izal toilet paper?
27th May 2009: Co-ax connectors on aerials - mismatched battery capacities - concealing a dead body - hoax e-mails - Spam phone-calls - over-eeding goldfish - open gardens day - Bushy Park - deer - Welsh Bruce - the A 3 - grammar checkers - cost of weddings.
10th June, 2009 Buying new golf clubs - randomness of failing lightbulbs - buying microwave ovens - bed-and-breakfasts - sofabed joke - Euro elections - Vincent Cable - Hounslow shops - dodgy foreign builders - Capital Ring - London Squares - Alcatraz
17th June, 2009 my job interview - Stan at Twickenham Festival - misleading country walks - Plusnet - constipation - circumcision - “guys” - OAPs asking for a refund - basic computer confusion and very soft boiled eggs - Kismet - low-flying planes - Spencer Davis's drummer - Mel leaving the Abercorn - first mention of punnet - possibly a small pun - Richard returns a set of left - handed golf clubs.
24th June, 2000 Alan's head-dents - Cannes - Thailand - passports - curry club - Wareham Forest - Cotswolds - David's diet - the price of coffee - sub woofers - rose of Sharon _A_O_S _E__D (crossword clue) - Hinge and Brackett - monkey hanging - Dracula and Frankenstein.
19th August, 2009 Googling for boobies and tits - Google your postcode - last night on Crimewatch - Richard's new office chair - Roger drops his trousers on 17th November on Holby City - cost of weddings - blot on a landscape golf courses - John Nettles once spilt tooth powder in Roger's house - Roger in the last episode of Doc Marten - Roger's prosthetic arm story - lots of tedious comparing of ring tones - Richard said to Rosie "Did we miss your entrance?" - suet pudding - Main and desserts - Kingston goat curry
9th September 2009 political correctness gone mad - Spotted Richard - Angela's 60th birthday - old N P L people - are there any black Morris dancers? - circumcision - contents of Richard's late neighbour’s freezer - how to choose a good tin of chopped tomatoes - Stan and I think Richard and Martin are really sad Old Gits.
16th September, 2009 Freemasonry - pregnant pauses - moving the Isle of Wight - steel in Samurai swords - guns on the Mary Rose - the elephant in the room - Agatha Christie actresses - the 39 Steps - lightbulbs - N P L building mains - Paines Hill Park.
23rd September, 2009 getting car- lights fixed - old versions of software - retuning a Digibox - speeding and fines - gall bladder pain - calculus origins - getting stuff out of the skips - putting stuff in skips - Croydon airport - faded elegance.
30th September, 2009 Autistic dogs - curry club - Zyklon B - Flint McCulloch in Wagon Train - "The good old days" - the fox has left his lair - the Inkspots - urban myths - local Greek restaurants - language problems - St Martin's Day.
14th October 2009 Poor attendance - Alan filming - single malts - Richard painting the steppes - curry club is December 6th - Dick’s new non-English-speaking Brazilian cleaner - the Gits Diary Christmas Show - worst absence excuse - leaves for the 5th year - Gits lifetime achievement award - most discussed ailment - flounce of the year - most tolerant git partner - Luvvie of the Year after five unsuccessful nominations - Stan's sprinkler-eating dog.
28th October 2009 The poor quality of my YouTube videos - Kempton nature reserve - holiday in Southwold.
11th November 2009 St Martin's Day - a pregnant shark gave birth after being bitten - A Town Like Alice - Roger on Doc Marten - what dogs can watch on TV - revolving restaurants - Billy Butlin - consumer surveys.
25th November 2009 Buying M&S charity ties - Christmas - bowel cancer - 84-year-old lady in leather trousers - Ethel Merman - the Blues Brothers - is it really 18 years since Freddie Mercury died? - Feltham is still a dump - getting your heating allowance - Alzheimer's - Frank Skinner - Tommy Steele's house - touching an electric fence.
This page is dedicated to the memory of Richard Payne and John Fisher. Happy daze.